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Deb is only one of many married women who have secretly typed the word "lesbian" into an Internet search engine in an attempt to better understand their sexual identity. Many were led to this same website, lavendervisions.com, an on-line counseling resource for women all over the world, created by native Philadelphian Joanne Fleisher, LCSW.
After explaining to her own husband that she was attracted to women, Joanne made a commitment to try and help as many women as possible who are "grappling with the difficult process of 'coming out' while being married to a man," she said. She went through a "rollercoaster of emotions" in the beginning but has found her life partner and they have been together for 27 happy and satisfying years, she said.
Joanne's work with women began long before she admitted to her friends and family that she had a strong sexual desire toward women. She has been an advocate for women's rights since the 1960's when she was involved in women's health issues. In the early 70's, she counseled women on the topics such as birth control and pregnancy options and her support of a women's right to choose abortion led her to become one of the first administrators of the Elizabeth Blackwell Health Center — the first female-owned health care clinic.
Modern technology has allowed Joanne to achieve far beyond her dreams. Her website reaches out to thousands of women and offers information on topics such as how to determine if you are lesbian or bisexual and how to come out to friends and family. It also offers online resources, book, and support groups. A message board is located at Members3.boardhost.com/Ask_Joanne. Information on weekend seminars created and presented by Joanne also is available. It was at one of these seminars that Deb found that peace she was looking for.
Deb feels uncomfortable revealing her last name or any identifying information because of the prejudice that still exists. But she shares her story in support of women who helped her find her freedom.
"I found a lot of support from Joanne's website and attended one of her seminar three years ago," Deb said. "At that time, I had already been able to come out to my husband, a few friends and my therapist but I was still looking for others who were like me to share support. At the seminar, there were many who were questioning their sexual identity. We discussed things like conflict resolution skills an how to come out to people, as well as who it was imperative to come out to and who it wasn't. We told our stories and that in itself was very helpful. We were all better able to understand who we were when the weekend was over. "I'm still working hard trying to figure out what I want to do in life and what kind of person I want to be with," Deb said. "I am also very excited that Joanne has finally written a book on the subject and am hoping people from all walks of life, especially those who are counseling others, read this book with an open mind and learn from it. I was seeing a counselor who had been practicing for about 20 to 25 years and, although she has been fantastic since the day I came out to her, she has never ran into anyone like me and didn't know anything about women loving other women."
Joanne said the goal of her book, Living Two Lives, is to provide information, guidance, and hope for women on their path towards understanding themselves. "As you read this book, begin expanding your vision and range of possibilities," writes Joanne in the book's introduction. "Suspend your judgments about the variety of ways women have chosen to live their lives. You, too, can make change, be sensitive to the needs of your loved ones, live a life that is more fulfilling, and be proud of who you are." |
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